A Heart Tormented by Love.

Lord, I cannot imagine what You experienced in the Garden of Gethsemane.

Fear paralyzed Your Holy Body. Anxiety penetrated every nerve, causing physical pain. You knew what awaited You… You asked the Father to take this cup away from You. Your whole body resisted what was to come. And yet, my Jesus, You said: “Not my will, but Yours be done.”

That You are God did not make it any easier. On the contrary, You knew everything. Your Heart was breaking, your skin was numb. You felt every muscle, every breath tasted different. You could hear the beating of Your own heart, rapid and unsettling. Each beat reminded You of the impending death, of unimaginable suffering and devastation.

Did the flowers smell different that night?

Did the world, if only for a moment, fall silent, giving You quiet glory?

Did the stars shine brighter, and did the sound of the stream hush, as if in a gesture of silence?

You thought, Lord, of the disciples, of the people You encountered on Your path, of Your Mother, whose soul a sword would pierce. You bore not only Your own suffering but that of the whole world.

You loved this life. You loved creation. You had Your rituals, Your habits. You enjoyed conversing, for You saw the hearts of people. And now all of that was about to end. You felt fear, longing, but also comfort, knowing that soon You would be with the Father, that those You loved would be free.

The corporeal fought against the spiritual.

You sweated blood. Your body endured an unimaginable tension. To wait for death takes on a new meaning here. To know your destiny. To know the beginning and foresee the end.

Your tears, Jesus, watered the soil of the garden, tears that brought no relief.

Lord, did You see my face in that prayer? Did You see me in that agony, me and my struggles?

I would have liked to be with You in that moment, but I do not know if I would have had the courage to approach. Rather, I would have hidden behind a tree and prayed fervently, though helplessly.

Lord, in that agony, You prayed even more earnestly. I ask You, my Dear Jesus, teach me this. Teach me how to pray.

I am like the disciples who fell asleep from sorrow. I do not want to be like that, Jesus. I do not want to flee into nothingness anymore.

I want to be united with You, as You were one with the Father.

I know, Jesus, that You did this for me. And it is so hard for me to accept this. Such a great gift… life… The Life of the Messiah and King.

To accept this unconditional, uncompromising love. A love that does not remember wrongs.

Your human body rebelled, but Your Heart was already on the cross.

In all this suffering and pain, there was also a kind of ecstasy, the ecstasy of Your Most Sacred Heart. The ecstasy of love that we cannot comprehend. A love that transcends human understanding.

A Heart Tormented by Love