The Reason for Our Sufferings

09-11.12.2023

I do not know if I will manage to gather my thoughts into a coherent form.. Right now, the feeling is akin to having experienced a wonderful dream, but explaining to someone else those things that are clear to you is very difficult.

The three days of the Exercises were dedicated to this passage from the Bible:

Genesis 2:8-25 and 3

And the Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden, and there He put the man whom He had formed.
And out of the ground made the Lord God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
And a river went out of Eden to water the garden; and from thence it was parted, and became into four heads.
The name of the first is Pison: that is it which compasseth the whole land of Havilah, where there is gold;
And the gold of that land is good; there is bdellium and the onyx stone.
And the name of the second river is Gihon: the same is it that compasseth the whole land of Cush.
And the name of the third river is Hiddekel: that is it which goeth toward the east of Assyria. And the fourth river is Euphrates.
And the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.
And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat:
But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.
And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.
And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?
And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden:
But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.
And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:
For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.
And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.
And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.
And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God amongst the trees of the garden.
And the Lord God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou?
And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.
And He said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?
And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.
And the Lord God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.
And the Lord God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life;
And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;
Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field;
In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.
And Adam called his wife's name Eve; because she was the mother of all living.
Unto Adam also and to his wife did the Lord God make coats of skins, and clothed them.
And the Lord God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever:
Therefore the Lord God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken.
So He drove out the man; and He placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life.

On the first day, the meditation took place in a church somewhere near the centre of Krakow. The church was empty, and only two homeless men sitting behind me at the entrance kept me company. When I noticed them as I entered, I thought it was not by chance and that He would teach me something today through His servants).

My attention focused on how everything was arranged before the first sin. The garden was located on earth. Man tended to the place where his Creator had placed him and cared for it. What does this mean?.. To tend means to transform according to one's discretion, i.e., we were created to transform the reality that surrounds us. To keep means to ensure that everything works and exists according to its purpose. Man also named things. What does it mean to “name” something? It means to define its essence and purpose.
In the centre of the garden were two trees, but the fruit could only not be eaten from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, which means that man freely ate from the tree of life and did not know what death was. Man was not ashamed of his nakedness. When a person is completely unclothed, he is as he is. And if a person did not notice his nakedness, then he simply had nothing to hide – complete transparency in all manifestations.

This creates a wonderful picture; man lived in a beautiful place, his attention was on the surrounding reality. He defined and transformed it and was constantly in the presence of God. The picture is very similar to “playing and learning” from another meditation, but only in much better, correct conditions, where there is absolute reliance on the Creator and fulfilment of one's purpose. There is nothing to be ashamed of or afraid of, a wonderful state. This can truly be called the word “Paradise”)).

During my reflections, I began to feel a growing unease regarding my company of homeless men, even though they were sitting quietly and showed no interest in me.

Next, my attention shifted to the original sin itself. What actually happened?.. In fact, man for a moment allowed the thought that he could do something better than what was intended for him by his Creator and the incomprehensible Absolute! “The clay judges the potter”))). For the first time, man made a supposition, a fantasy that had no connection with the surrounding reality; the basis of this supposition was pride, a judgment based on his own will, but not on the will of the Creator! Evil is very simple! It is this doubt in God, or reliance on oneself, in any, even the smallest manifestation, that is evil. The serpent did not lie; man truly understood everything, but there is one insignificant nuance – he understood it from his own example))).

My unease regarding the homeless men reached a level where it became impossible to ignore. Moreover, for a brief moment, a rather specific smell reached me from their direction. And I began to ponder: “So, stop, why am I actually worried? Nothing is happening right now; these guys behind me are simply spending time in a warm place during winter, and they are behaving as quietly as possible to avoid being kicked out. So what am I afraid of? I am afraid of an unpleasant experience that may occur – I really do not like interacting with them. But I am afraid of an experience that does not exist in reality! I am assuming something that is not there, based on my purely selfish unwillingness to contact them, completely forgetting about the will of God and that Every moment in my life happens solely by His will and creates the best and most necessary circumstances for my development. That is, right now, I am doing exactly the same thing as the first people described in the Bible! There it is, the fleeting smell of error).. I probably smell similarly in a spiritual sense)).”

Once again.
Every time we judge based not on reality, but on fantasies in our heads, dictated by a lack of trust in God, a lack of complete reliance on Him, dictated by our notions of how things should be, we commit an error similar to the original sin. And we essentially create and know evil. That array of sins that unfolds before us in the form of very crude manifestations such as violence or theft is merely the consequences and shades of the first, most basic erroneous judgment.

After these conclusions, a third homeless man entered the church, quite boisterous and free in his actions and words). On the right side of the central aisle stood a large statue of Christ the King. The sculptor depicted Him very interestingly. The clothing was magnificent, surrounded by much shine, gold, and royalty in everything. But the face))). The gaze was cast down, and the expression was such… Well, I would have that face if I were thinking about someone: “Well, idiots, how many times can you repeat the same thing and mess up.” On one hand, there was royalty, and on the other – weariness from the behaviour of others. One could only glimpse into the lowered eyes by approaching closely to the sculpture.

And this boisterous man poured himself a glass of drinking water from the church vessel, noticed the statue, exclaimed something like “Oh! Jesus!”, approached closely, lifted his head, and began to argue with Him!))) Expressing disagreement with what was happening!))))

It was so funny!)) The expression on the statue's face suited this scene perfectly!)) But on the other hand, it was very instructive))). After expressing his dissatisfaction, the homeless man sat on the first bench near the altar not far from me and continued to mumble something.

Continuing the meditation became very difficult)). And I thought: “So, now the reality surrounding me has changed, and what I would like to ‘tend’ now exists no longer as my fantasy. This means I must take some action. What should I do? To expel him is not the best solution. Perhaps I can change my place, and that will no longer be a sin.” After that, I looked at the clock – it turned out that the time for meditation had already ended, and then I left the church.

On the second day, my attention focused on the consequences of sin.

What did man ultimately gain? There is one plus; man understood what evil is, and thus in contrast, he now sees perfectly what good is)). After this, the pluses end, and problems begin. What happened to nakedness-transparency? Man saw that it exists in principle, that God sees us through and through, and probably the entire universe sees us that way. When something appears that needs to be hidden, then the understanding of transparency arises. It is like a stain on good glass; while it is not there, you may not even notice the glass itself and not be aware of its nature. But when a stain appears, you suddenly realise that the glass indeed exists, it is completely transparent, and from whichever side you look at it, the stain will be noticeable. Then man takes a piece of paper, sticks it over the stain, and pretends that it is a decorative element)). And in general, he drags the whole window somewhere and hides it in the thickets).

At that very moment, the first sufferings and difficulties arise! The knowledge of evil gives birth to suffering. The Creator looks at this senseless scene and tries to speak to man. “Who told you that you were naked?” or in other words, how did you manage to see your nakedness-transparency? Of course, only by soiling it.

The state of paradise disappears; there is no longer a constant presence with God. Man learns what death is. Access to the tree of life is closed; he is likely now immersed in the illusion of his mortality. Because man relies on himself, he begins to survive in difficulties. God also gives man garments of skin, covering his nakedness. This may be an image of the illusion that we can hide something in this world to make it easier to endure sin. In general, a whole array of different kinds of suffering appears.

After these thoughts, I saw Jesus walking with me along a dirt road among the hills of the foothills. Since autumn 2022, I have been observing how we walk along it, starting from the exit from the sea. He is in good shoes and clean clothes, but still with a heavy, worn old backpack; I would not have gotten far with such a thing.
We stopped to rest, He took off the backpack, and His face was wet. I momentarily shifted my gaze to the mountains in the distance. And when I looked back at Him, I was astonished to see that He was drinking water from a completely clean and new bottle! Where did it come from? The backpack was stuffed with something, the outer pockets were torn, and the bottle would have been dirty if it had been in such a backpack.

I asked Him: “What is this backpack, and why are you carrying it? It must be so heavy and uncomfortable.” The answer was unexpected and simple. The backpack is my way of judgments, working with fantasy, pride, and distrust in God in my head, my recurring original sin. Its contents are the consequences of such thinking.

And then it dawned on me why Jesus saves us through suffering and why they matter to Him! He takes upon Himself the consequences of our mistakes – our sufferings. And He bears them Himself, instead of us. Giving an infinity of second chances. Baptism is the removal of the consequences of original sin. Our task afterwards is to change so as not to repeat it.

I thought: “It’s alright, the day will come when the backpack will not only be emptied but You will throw it away as unnecessary. And someday I will see You in light and joy. Are you laughing?)) Is it still so far away??))) Well, alright, let’s move on).” We began to stand up and gather our things.

“Stop, stop, wait! But where did the water come from?” He handed me the bottle, and then I saw that next to me was a new, nice backpack; the water was from there! This is my new understanding, the opposite of original sin, and the new consequences of this understanding. They actually help You! Amazing. And we went on.

Thus, the meditation ended.

The third day passed in the repetition of everything that had been revealed earlier.