Time Traveller

Before the idea of starting a blog-diary even occurred to me, the descriptions of my meditations were notes in a notebook and letters in Telegram to Yura - my spiritual guide.

As I restore the meditations in chronological order, I will also include my letters - just as they were written and sent.

My first meditations are fragmented, chaotic, with far more questions than answers, but the feelings I experience during and after them are unlike any previous experience.

#letterToYura

Day One

Genesis 1:26-27 (Creation of Man)

Images I felt compelled to record:

- A universe spinning within a person's chest

- The silhouette of a person against the backdrop of a vast rising sun, embracing the silhouette with its rays

- A person standing amidst beautiful nature, arms outstretched, happy and free

- A human eye where the pupil is the cosmos

(it was all very beautiful)

A thought I wanted to record:

Man is a portal to the cosmos

Genesis 2-3 (Original Sin)

I saw the Garden of Eden quite vividly.

The part with the Fall made me feel anxious and sad.

In the end, I asked what I should do with my anxiety and received an answer, surprisingly in words, I told Him that I was ready to hear and listen and heard this:

Love. Contemplate. Reign.

The answer to everything is Love.

The first day was the most relaxed and trance-like, it got harder afterwards.



Day Two

Genesis 3:9-24 (Original Sin)

Here I meditated through slow, thoughtful reading, noting phrases that "lit up".

I had many questions and decided to write them down:

- Why did God plant the tree of knowledge of good and evil?

- Why did He forbid eating its fruits?

- Why did He place enmity between snakes and humans?

- What is the purpose of the pains of childbirth?

- What is the meaning of hard labour on earth?

- Why, after knowing good and evil, did man become "like one of Us"?

- What does it mean to be "like one of Us"?

- Why can't man live forever?

I asked all these questions and did a visualisation, it was very difficult, I kept getting distracted by my questions and the search for answers.

But by the end of the prayer, I received several answers through the sensations from the visualisation.

- Why did God plant the tree of knowledge of good and evil?

- Why did He forbid eating its fruits?

God trusted man and taught him humility.

Humility is trust in God.

- Why did He place enmity between snakes and humans?

So that snakes and humans would communicate as little as possible, for the benefit of humans.

- Why can't man live forever?

Because life without trust in God is torment.

God does not want man to make this torment eternal.

After this meditation, I experienced insomnia:)



Day Three

Genesis 3:9-24 (Original Sin)

I began with a visualisation of the scene of the Fall, feeling as if I already knew it by heart, complete presence)

I felt how, after eating the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, Eve experienced shame and fear for the first time.

And I realised that before this act, she didn't even have the concept that such feelings existed.

Here I remembered my theme of anxiety and what I am searching for and insights came:)

***

Shame, fear, anxiety, guilt - these are the price for distrust in God, for betrayal.

If I trust God, remember that He loves me, will never harm me, will not send anything I couldn't overcome and that wouldn't be beneficial for me according to His plan, then there is no reason for anxiety and fear. And the world and everything in it appear differently, and finally, I can notice what is important, what is interesting.

Every time I worry, I believe the serpent, not God. And I condemn myself to torment.

As long as man trusted God, everything was good for him and he knew no evil.

By tasting from the tree of knowledge, he knew evil.

The serpent wants to use evil to turn man away from God.

But without God, there can be no good.

If a person can judge good and evil, then good is what leads him to God, and evil is everything that leads him away.

I felt that there is a part of me (Spirit, in the chest, in the heart area) that has never betrayed the Father and always feels like the first man in Eden - light and joyful, calm and in love. And that I can turn to this part at any moment. And remember what it is like to love and live without fear.

***

In the end, I told Christ about this part of myself, He didn't answer me, but I felt very warm))

I feel like a time traveller.

I hope I sleep today)