Library

It happened that, as they were on their way, someone said to Him: Lord, I will follow You wherever You go.
And Jesus said to him: Foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.
And he said to another: Follow Me. But he said: Lord, let me first go and bury my father.
But Jesus said to him: Let the dead bury their own dead; but go thou and preach the Kingdom of God.
Another also said: I will follow You, Lord; but let me first go and bid farewell to those at my house.
And Jesus said unto him: No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the Kingdom of God.
Luke 9:57-62

I see Him in the royal robes from the painting "Light of the World" — crowned, holding a lantern. It is a very moonlit night; we are in some deserted place. He turns and walks somewhere, and I follow Him.

We walk along the water's edge; wet pebbles beneath our bare feet, waves roll in softly and froth. Behind a sheer cliff we find a tiny cove, clearly hidden from prying eyes. It seems as if it were carved into the rock. In a corner there is a small crevice; we head that way. Jesus goes before me and lights the way — it is a long corridor, at the end of which a warm light shimmers off in the distance.

We enter a spacious, circular cave; in the middle lies a large stone upon which rests an enormous open book with yellowed pages. It is immediately clear to me what this Book is. I lift my head — there is no ceiling to be seen; the cave stretches upward into infinity. An infinity filled with bookshelves.

I have the sense that I have come into Paradise. I read my first book — "The Wizard of the Emerald City" — when I was four. Since then books have been my consolation, my escape, my hobby, my best friends. Libraries are the most wonderful places in the world.

I understand that this is about my Purpose.

I cannot know everything; the world is too vast, there are too many books to read, but I must learn.

The main Book is the key to all the others.

It is wonderful! It is the most beautiful Purpose in the world! To study, to learn anew, to be among books!

But, wait. To bury myself in the library — that is always possible; I love to hide away. What about people? They are part of my Purpose too — how am I to be with them?

All the while, as I gaze about in delight, I somehow forget to look at Him. But I turn to Him with these questions and am at a loss. I have never before seen Him in royal garb; He has always been in some simple tunic. I say:

— I can't look at You calmly when You are like this.

Giving in to the impulse, I sit at His feet and embrace His knees. Right before my eyes is the lantern, like a mute answer to my questions.

— It can't be.

I stand up and He hands me the lantern.

I take a couple of steps back, holding it in my hand; warm light pours from it. I feel awkward and strange; the lantern is heavy and I do not know what to do with it. I give it back, and then a pendant on a chain appears at my throat — a small replica of the lantern.

What can I do for people? Shine for them so they come out of the dark, so devils scatter, so people find their way, so the lost are found, so they can warm themselves, rest and gather strength for the road.

I am a beacon.

Sometimes its light is merciless and brings pain. Sometimes it is cosy and calm, like the window of home at dusk. What is in me, what shines through me, is needed by people.

"My light in you."

We climb up among the books and find ourselves before one of the countless shelves. I peer at the spines and freeze. On each one — my name. The shelf is so long that I cannot see where it ends. Doubts seize me at once: surely this is just a metaphor; perhaps I have simply daydreamed too much; this is getting out of hand — one could, after all, be a little more modest...

He interrupts my stream of denial by sitting down before me on one knee.

Terror sweeps over me.

It is so wrong that words fail me.

— What are you doing??? Stand up! Please, stand up!

No response. It begins to sink in.

— Okay — okay! All right! I believe! I doubt no more! It's like walking on water; the secret is that I have actually already done it, hasn't it?

He finally rises, ending this torture, and laughs. He laughs!

We descend. I do not want to leave; I never want to leave here.

The most beautiful place in the world, the best possible Purpose.

How much adoration there is in giving us as our work that which we love most.

I love Him endlessly.