What's Inside the Exercises

In this story, I invite you to take a look at what happens during prayer. I will deliberately not delve into the method in detail and will skip many details to explain how it works through simple examples.

If you remember, in the previous story, we talked about the "language" of communication with God, which means that meditation itself is a meeting "for a chat". So, through what does the Lord communicate with us, and we with Him? Of course, through the faculties of the soul given to us: the body, feelings, thoughts, intuition, imagination, and those subtle movements of the heart that have no name.

How does this happen? Well, for example, you read a story where Cain, out of envy, killed Abel, and suddenly you notice that in response to what you've read, a reaction arises within you, perhaps a feeling of indignation or disagreement. At that very moment, you stop and ask yourself where this reaction came from, why these particular words matter to you? Why does everything else not affect you at all? And you give yourself a little time to be with it, to look "under the hood" of your thoughts and see what attracts your attention so much.

And then very curious effects arise. For example, quite unexpectedly, an insight comes to you: "Wow, it turns out I am envious myself, and that's why my neighbour, who always seems to have everything going well, irritates me so much. And then I spend the whole day annoyed and snapping at everyone, I didn't even realise it!"
Or: "I get so triggered when others make mistakes because I set a high bar for myself and never quite meet it! Damn perfectionism!"

And so on and so forth.

The passage about Cain and Abel is, of course, a fragment of the Bible. And, of course, the notions about it that wander in society are far from reality. The Bible is not a collection of tales written in a strange language. It is arranged so that what you read will always have a response suitable just for you, in your circumstances at that moment in time. That is, if you sit down to meditate on the same passage in a week, you will see and understand completely different things, and in another week - yet others, and so on endlessly. That is why the Bible is called Living. Through it, God addresses you directly in this interesting way, through responses in your feelings and thoughts. But if you read it superficially, out of idle curiosity, it will remain a collection of strange contradictory stories (and God there is a sadist and a terrorist, yes, yes 😉).

And among this play of the mind, somewhere lines and patterns will be visible, as if someone from outside is guiding you and thoughtfully paving the way thought by thought, insight by insight, so neatly that you are simply amazed. This "someone" is the Lord, with whom you establish contact through such a technique of conversation.

And then truly amazing things happen. Because this new understanding is obtained by you independently, not implanted in your head in the form of someone else's words or quotes, but discovered by you like new lands by Columbus, it instantly becomes yours, lived. It reaches the very foundation of your personality and begins to correct your erring autopilot throughout the day.

And the next day you go out to the car, meet the neighbour, and suddenly notice that there is no envy in you anymore, you look at him calmly: "Great guy. And in general, I can wish him health and prosperity." Here's another mistake of a colleague (subordinate, husband/wife, anyone) — and you no longer "boil over". You react completely calmly and constructively solve the problem.

You look back at the day lived, and in your head, there's only one question: "What the...? What's happening to me!? Five years of therapy and psychoanalysis couldn't help me, and here I've already overcome my outbursts of anger?"

Yes, you have overcome them. Because in these Exercises, you are not changing yourself, not another specialist or teacher, you are transformed directly by God, and you are merely training in how to allow yourself to listen to Him and accept love and care. That's it, that's the whole secret. Apart from listening to Him and not hindering Him, we really learn nothing else in the Exercises.

Of course, this is not the only model of how communication is built. There are also bodily sensations, emotions, amazing coincidences throughout the day, dreams, and insights while peeling potatoes or in the shower 🙂. For everyone, there will be their own unique combination.

One of the tools — imagination — St. Ignatius pays special attention to in meditations. This is a powerful faculty that, it turns out, is needed not only to fly in dreams about the future or to grind over past situations, but among other things, to access your unconscious and through it hear God.

Let me tell you how imagination works in meditations.
For example, you imagine a scene from a biblical passage. Suppose Jesus is walking on water. Here in your imagination, the plot unfolds. He approaches the boat, the disciples are frightened, there is a storm around. You see yourself in the place of a disciple, the moment comes to step out of the boat and take a step on the water's surface, but you are gripped by fear — it's dark, scary, unclear. And suddenly you realise: here it is, your promise to yourself to devote more time to your hobby, and here is the fear of the unknown and how others will look at you because of it. And you still can't decide to take a step in real life. And a little further away on the water stands Jesus and says to you: "If you want, go, fear nothing, I am always near and will support you." You, having walked to Him on the water, exit the meditation and immediately reach into the cupboard for paints and canvas once bought for some reason, or you call and sign up for veterinary courses, which you dreamed of, or you go into floristry, or ...
That is, you take real steps towards what truly makes you happy, and you no longer care what your surroundings think and what difficulties there will be, you just confidently go towards your personal happiness and meaning.

This is just one example, deliberately simplified, and countless stories about various aspects of life can be written into it. Sometimes to get an answer to one question, you need to understand a dozen accompanying things, but all this is harmoniously acquired during the Exercises.

In general, in meditation, the entire set of tools of your soul works - from the body to the imagination. You come to God with some request, and He answers you. This conversation is directly related to your life and is often so full of beauty that it takes your breath away.

A Spoonful of Tar in a Barrel of Honey

So, I've told you fairy tales about how beautiful, quick, and wonderful everything works. "Is it really that simple? What's the catch? And why is this practice so little widespread? Why do all who want to understand themselves run to psychoanalysis, stand on nails, open chakras, or do yoga?"

Here's why.

In popular practices, no one puts you face to face with the greatest deceiver of all time — yourself. Even if the practice implies it, you can dodge or not do it fully, citing some excuse.

But in the Spiritual Exercises, the Lord places a huge mirror (and at the same time a powerful magnifying glass) in front of you, removes your armour, all masks of decency, and washes away layers of makeup accumulated over years of self-deception. And you look directly at yourself, naked and defenceless, and some particularly unflattering parts you examine with a good close-up. And this may not be the most pleasant experience. But He does this not to mock you, but so that you acquire the skill to see everything "as it is" — a sober look at yourself and everything that surrounds you. You will also see a lot of beauty in such contemplation.

And then the following may happen:

• either you, having lived your life listening to your conscience, will see where and how to move towards a beautiful transformed self;

• or, if you have diligently deceived yourself and stifled your conscience, you will see a huge soap bubble of illusions bursting before your eyes (sometimes bursting very painfully); and only after that will there be a chance to tread a path to a beautiful new self.

There is also an intermediate option, where you haven't deceived yourself too much. But, unfortunately, the option with strong self-deception happens much more often than the others.

What does this unpleasant option look like? Suddenly your eyes open, and you see that in pursuit of your foolish desires, growing from trauma, you have walked over the heads of more than a dozen people. You see that you have been heading a company you hate for ten years because you are proving to your father that you are not a weakling. You realise what an ungrateful swine and scoundrel you are towards your wife and that you are not worthy of a single sock she washed for you, let alone all the other care.
You realise that you have been nagging your husband and children with your immense fear, doubts, and desire for control for so long that no attention to you can be expected, and it's amazing that your husband hasn't run away and that your children can still say "mum, I love you." Or you realise that you jumped into marriage and for years have allowed your husband to wipe his feet on you just to prove to your mother that you're not a fool you can have a strong family.

And these are far from the heaviest examples.

It may well turn out (though not necessarily) that your entire world, all dreams, goals, and achievements are built on lies to compensate for a wounded ego, and everything your life relied on, your cosy world of compromises, now lies in ruins. And amidst the smouldering ruins, you sit, stunned by the pain of recognising self-deception, bewildered and not understanding what to do with it next. The most annoying thing about this is that you can no longer return everything back, you can't "unsee" it and immerse yourself in the illusion. These realisations were not told to you by a teacher or psychoanalyst, whom you could dismiss and continue living, you obtained them by agreeing to look at things truthfully and with enviable efficiency levelled everything to the ground.

At this very moment, you have a chance to make something new and beautiful out of your life. Having gained a sober view, finally start doing what brings true happiness, not the damn compensation for your grievances and mistakes. Clear the construction site of old junk and with the Architect of all architects — God — start building a new, conscious, and happy life brick by brick.

Yes, I almost forgot, as you approach such revelations, all the hordes of your demons, i.e., doubts, subconsciousness, and fears, sensing something amiss, will go into active defence. You will have a thousand reasons why you don't need to meditate today, the mind will try to rationalise all your real achievements and explain it by anything but contact with God.
"What am I doing here, don't I have enough to do? I imagined it all, what God, these are just successful thoughts and coincidences, who is the hero — I am the hero. This is all learned holiness, for sure, I've listened to others and now I'm pulling coincidences by the ears, soon everything will be as before. What happiness and purpose in life can there be if the loan isn't paid off and the dishes aren't washed!? Who am I kidding, it's always been like this, can I really change anything?" And so on and so forth.

To overcome doubts and look at your life "as it is" without embellishment, you need to have great courage. It is impossible to communicate with the real God and continue living in self-deception, these are mutually exclusive things. Therefore, I have great respect for everyone who did not shut their eyes tightly, covering their ears with their hands, when they first heard the Lord addressing them, but went to meet Him.

There is also something else that justifies any demolition of old illusions. The beauty of that new quality of life that opens after the demolition, you cannot compare with anything you know now. Simply because you don't have such an experience in your head now to imagine how differently delightful it can be. Every step you take towards God will open up a new broader understanding and add clarity. For this, of course, you will have to make an effort, but the efforts are worth it.

In the next story, we will specifically talk about what the sequence of actions in meditation looks like and what exactly happens there.